God clarifies rules

Via Jill at Feministe

God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule

Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

"Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."

Brilliant, just brilliant.

I've not plagiarized this post

Because I've actually got permission to use the material, and I am going to credit it to the rightful creator.

In the comments to this post over at ERV, Torbjörn Larsson (who really should get a blog), posted this brilliant riff over Monty Python's classic.

I thought it deserved a wider audience (though these days, the comments over at ERV probably get read by more people than my blog).

---

BEHE:
I wanted to be... a creationist!

Leaping from text to text, as they spew from the mighty presses of Northern America.
The USA Today. The Post. The Globe! The Wall Street Journal!
The lofty Houston Chronicle! The plucky little Tribune! The limping St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The towering Washington Post! The Atlanta Journal-Constitution!
The naughty Long Island Newsday! The flatulent Arizona Republic!
The Seattle Post-Intelligencer! The Star-Ledger! The Plain Dealer!

With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!

[singing]
I'm a creationist, and I'm okay.
I lie all night and I lie all day.

MOUNTIES:
He's a creationist, and he's okay.
He lies all night and he lies all day.

BEHE:
I cut down facts. I fudge my hunch.
I create my evo strawman.
On Sundays I go preachin'
And serve false choices for creos.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down facts. He fudges his hunch.
He creates his evo strawman.
On Sundays he go preachin'
And serves false choices for creos.

He's a creationist, and he's okay.
He lies all night and he lies all day.

BEHE:
I cut down facts. I Gish and gallop.
I like to press wild fallacies.
I put on scientist's clothing
And hang around in labs.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down facts. He Gish and gallop.
He likes to press wild fallacies.
He puts on scientist's clothing
And hangs around in labs?!

He's a creationist, and he's okay.
He lies all night and he lies all day.

BEHE:
I find out facts. I have high hopes,
proposals, and a grant.
I wish I'd been an academic,
Just like my dear Professor.

MOUNTIES:
He finds down facts. He has high hopes,
proposals, and a grant?!

[talking]
What's this? Wants to be an academic?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so gullible! Non-poofer!...

[singing]
He's a creationist, and he's okay.
He lies all night and he lies all day.

He's a creationist, and he's okaaaaay.
He lies all night and he lies all day.

[Creo choir starts hurling worthless copies of Edge of Evolution on a defenseless Behe.]

Are the gods sending signs?

When statues sweat in India, it's a sign of impending turmoil or natural disaster, but when lightning strikes a statue in the US, it's "a freak act of Mother Nature".

Who knew it was so hard to read the sign-language of the deities?

Kryptonite found in Serbian mine

Ok, some headlines write themselves, and I see that ScienceDaily couldn't resist.

Superman Beware: Scientists Uncover Kryptonite

Superman’s nemesis, kryptonite, is no longer the stuff of fiction. A new mineral matching its unique chemistry – as described in the film Superman Returns – has been identified by scientists at the Natural History Museum and Canada’s National Research Council.

What are the odds? (no, don't answer that one)
Quite amusing, isn't it? Unfortunately there are some disappointing aspects.

Kryptonite’s devastating power is the bane of Superman stories, where exposure to its large green crystals causes the superhero to weaken dramatically. Unlike its famous counterpart however, the new mineral is white, powdery and not radioactive. And, rather than coming from outer space, the real kryptonite was found in Serbia.

According to the article, the mineral will be formally named Jadarite when it is described in the European Journal of Mineralogy later this year.

Step 23 seems a bit vague

Via Readerville, I came across this funny little thing. Here is what you should do.

1) Go to Google Maps.
2) Choose the 'Get directions' tab.
3) Enter 'New York, NY' as the starting place, and 'Paris, France' as the destination.
4) Read the instructions.
5) Take note of step 23.

Enjoy.

Greatest Amazon book review ever

There is a sub-culture of humourous review writing among Amazon book reviewers. Most of these reviews fall flat, but there are a few great gems among them. This review is absolutely the best of the lot.

Book review of The Story about Ping

I know it's not the original 1997 book review, but for all I know, this 2000 review was posted by the same author under a different name.